The Establishment DON'T Want You to Stop Smoking!

I've been watching them. I've been watching them all. The Establishment, the useful idiots who believe in them (or at least pretend to in the hopes on being given a slice of the action) and the generally awkward. You know the types – the ones who'll go out of their way to walk as closely in proximity to your little smoking spot as possible just to inhale your second hand smoke and then give you dirty looks for it.

The Establishment want you to stop smoking about as much as they want you to vote them out tomorrow. Lets start by looking at some facts.

There's big money to be made in nicotine patches, gum and whatever gimmicky, useless mode of kicking the habit the companies (companies like Johnson & Johnson, to give you an idea of the scale) producing them can persuade us to buy. Huge money.

Of course, it doesn't have much of a success rate, so people will either persevere with the gum or start smoking again. And I know the reason why it doesn't have much of a success rate. It's because it's not strictly the nicotine that people are addicted to. Sure, as with a lot of chemicals, the body gets used to it and reacts with withdrawal when it doesn't get any anymore. But that habit is deeper for many. People smoke to delay going to the supermarkets, to get out of the office for 5 minutes at 11am when the emails come flying in or the boss is in a foul mood. Some people smoke purely to do something with their hands when they're nervous, and to focus their attention on something tangible. And some people, most notably teenagers, smoke because they think it's cool and a bit risky.

The Establishment know this. So what would they do if they really wanted us to stop smoking? Well, I'd hazard a guess at the fact that if you or I really wanted society to stop doing something, you or I would make it illegal, then crack down and force the law. But The Establishment don't. They discuss a few token rules such as the possibility of hiding cigarettes under the counter, knowing full well the media will propagate that minor detail and people will just as easily be able to buy them. They ban smoking in pubs, but allow smoking areas outside. Even in coldest January, anyone can slip their coat and scarf on and head outside for a quick puff in the pub garden. And people do. There's always a get-out clause. The Establishment planned it that way. Just like they did with the old style light bulbs, now being manufactured here and marketed as "workshop bulbs".

Now Gordon Brown is hoping to steal a few Tory votes (misguided as he is) by making noises about banning smoking in the home. How the hell is any government going to enforce that, short of Orwell's telescreens or live-in military guards? They can't, and they won't. It's bollocks. When I look at how government deals with smoking, I see them doing their utmost to create a new taboo. They know we're a rebellious bunch who don't take kindly to being told what to do. When they ban smoking in the Houses of Commons restaurant, I might start to think differently. Apart from prisons, it's the only communal place in the land where smoking is allowed. Anyone would think that our political classes aren't quite as opposed to smoking as they say.

And what about the NHS? Surely the cost burden of treating all those eeeeeevil smokers is crippling it. Well, perhaps it is, but the monumental amount of revenue from duty on cigs makes up for that shortfall. Whilst I accept that it does create a large black hole, that gap can soon be plugged. And besides, when you read stories about “shooting galleries” (special places for heroin addicts to go and ply their habit for free), it makes you wonder why The Establishment is so keen to pursue those smoking tobacco, which last time I checked, had far less of an impact on crime rates than heroin addiction. And let's not forget, drug addicts often end up needing hospital treatment too. And dying.

Then there's the “yoof”. And this one is a cracker! Anyone who has either been a teenager or come into contact with them knows that many of them are rather partial to a little risk. Something a bit dangerous. They rebel. They often don't mean any harm, they're just looking for their boundaries in order to learn how to be adults. One thing you don't do with teenagers when you want to prevent them from doing something is glamourise it, and that's exactly what The Establishment do.

They show pictures of how smoking ages the skin, makes people look older than their years. What do teenagers want more than anything in the world? To be considered as adults, of course! So smoking can age them, can make them into adults earlier and earn them the respect of adults, right? Yes, right. And the government know this. They order cigarette companies to print big bold slogans such as “Smoking kills” and “Smoking can seriously damage your health”. Great. If you're a teenager looking for a little bit of risk, and looking to be admired by your peers for taking that risk, look no further. Hey, you're running the risk of dying. How cool is that!

Again, if they really wanted to stop teenagers from smoking, they'd make it illegal. They'd ridicule smokers. Show pictures of ugly people falling flat on their arses who just happen to be smoking at the same time. They'd make it seem like a real image problem, as we know how image conscious we were as teens (well, most of us were).

Then we move onto politicians themselves and their own vested interests. When the Conservatives get in, which they inevitably will, I wouldn't be surprised if smokers we persecuted further. If smoking was made even more of a symbol of martyrdom. Even more pictures of ageing skin, more labels on cigarette packets such as “Smoking makes your face fall off and turns you green in the night”. Ken Clarke (current Tory Shadow Chancellor), has strong connections and no doubt a lot of mates in the fag business. He's not going to see his pals out with us proles on the dole queue. They also seem to be making a great deal of effort to crack down on tobacco smuggling. Looking at these stats from 2003, albeit six years ago (the bottom paragraph says it all), 41% of “smuggling busts” were counterfeit or illegally brought in cigarettes. That's right, FORTY ONE PERCENT! You'd think they might be focusing their attention more on guns and drugs. There's always a simple answer though. It's not about thwarting the crime itself, it's about you spending lots of lovely money on UK duty.

Perhaps I'm just getting old, getting cynical, but it doesn't take a psychology degree to know people and to know how they work. The government WON'T stop you from smoking because they don't want to. There's too much to be earned for them and their mates. I don't believe they want everyone to smoke as there really would be a significant problem with NHS costs and hospital beds, but I think they'd like a few more of us to take it up.